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Camp Hell PDF Print E-mail
Written by Olivia Cagle   
Sunday, 06 September 2009 14:11

As the beginning of another school year had been setting sail, I considered trying out for the color guard team at my high school.   At the time, it sounded like a great idea!   I mean, what kind of fool wouldn't want to escape two whole class periods twirling flags for the rest of the year?   That fool would happen to be I.   And why does that not surprise me???

After I made the team, I was stunned.   I was finally a part of a cool activity besides the cafeteria helper.   At the time, I really didn't have any idea what I was in for.   I have to admit, I never envisioned myself being the only person on the team who had no understanding of the concept of dancing gracefully.   It also never occurred to me that I might get fussed at for accidentally swinging my flag in somebody's face--more than once.   The other marchers next to me are just gonna have to learn to walk confidently with two huge bruises on their foreheads.  Hey, it might make them look better.

At band camp, I accidentally got lost and had to run around the whole community college campus barefoot three times in hopes that I would catch my bus home. Was I expecting that?   No.   But from now on, I will try harder to expect the unexpected.   And I definitely didn't know that I would be the laughing stock of the band.   I guess every little group has its own little inside joke.   I just happened to be 'The Joke!'   Didn't see that one coming.   So, as you can probably understand, the band, the heat of the day, limited water supply, no bathroom breaks, and not enough sleep, etc., was not working out well for me.

The flag team obviously turned out to be a living Hell.   Literally.   The fiery, hot, burning atmosphere is also included in your package of Hell (also known as, The Band).   And if you order your supplies quickly, you will also receive an ugly, non-figure flattering costume to wear while you perform!   But wait--- that's not all! You will also receive a long, painful muscle ache, proceeding to your maltreatment, GUARANTEED!   Here's what one real life customer has to say about our program:   "How the @#$! do the band directors expect me to learn three months' worth of material in less than one week?!?   I'm so sorry I don't have a photographic memory like all of the other members do, but I can't magically remember a whole routine in less than five minutes!"  

Side effects that could follow your experience may include dehydration, sunburn, and mental breakdowns.   Experts do not suggest joining the guard team if you are prone to suffer from any of the above side effects.   All together, this is a $20.00 value, but it's yours for just $600.00!   That's right--- 600.00!   So call our wonderful team today at 1-800-TORTURE.   I repeat: 1-800-TORTURE!   We will change your life forever.   GUARANTEED!

Well, I am guessing you get the gist of how I feel about the color guard.   And just for the record, I suffered from every side effect on the list of what I think is a very appropriate advertisement for the team.   I will hopefully improve, one day.....just as long as I have a therapist on patrol to assist me in handling my low self-esteem--and an EMT for those who are forced to stand near me.

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eloiselatoof@aol.com - 09-09-2009 19:21

remember this. these experiences are character building. and remember who told you this!!
Mean Dean - 09-06-2009 12:28

:evil: Hey....think positive "Lady O!" Save yourself the brain-drain, damsel damages, hospital visits, & wearing ugly lawsuits. BECOME A CHEERLEADER! :whistle:
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Last Updated on Sunday, 04 July 2010 10:57