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Literature Your Columns Contest I tricked them again

I tricked them again Hot

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I tricked them again

This has been an issue with me for as long as I have been going to get food I didn’t want to cook.

All I want to do is give them my money for what you do best.

I have been to Burger King, Krystal, Taco Bell, KFC, Wendy’s, Arby’s , McDonalds and the bowling alley on the all you can eat pizza buffet night, beer and bowling for two.

All the pizza and beer you can eat and drink for two easy payments of 14.95.

I knew what I was getting when I went there, cheep beer, pizza with a questionable origin and two games of bowling, the shoes cost you another two beers from your beer budget, but I made a decision before I got there and decided that was what I wanted.

When I go to McDonalds I want some hamburgers, I don’t want breakfast, Waffle House dead ahead, a fish sandwich? Captain De’s in the rear view mirror, Please, chicken Mc-balls, there’s a KFC up the road where I can eat a part of a chicken that is at least somewhat recognizable, I guess now they are all in on this conspiracy.

Sometimes after a late night of some serious relaxation I would head to the nearest Krystal.

A typical conversation between me and a metal speaker.

“Welcome to Krystal’s can I take your order”

“Yes, I want eight Krystal hamburgers”

“do you want cheese on them?”

“No, did I mention cheese?”

“How about ?”

“No!, I want eight count them eight two bites in a box and I’m starving, no fries, no drink.”

“Please pull up to the window”

When I get to the window a real live human being is there to my amazement and I pay her-him-it and they have the nerve to tell me after it has my money to “pull up the curb it will be about fifteen minutes.”

There are three cars parked along the curb, so I wasn’t the only one who tricked them again.

Another example of this phenomenon,

McDonalds. If I want a hamburger from there I must wait, and I do mean wait until 10:31 am to get one, their not real flexible about this rule.

When I was a kid I never will forget when McDonalds had on their sign under those big ass golden arches over x-million served.

Every time they changed the sign to +1 million more I was impressed.

They made a living on hamburgers and the best french-fries on the planet.

When they changed the way they did french-fries I was sad.

When I was a Boy Scout around the age of eight, I got a tour of a McDonald’s back room where the magic happened with the French fries. Big assed potatoes as big as a football were in bag’s waiting to be fried and make my eight year old life complete.

We were shown the process.

Take a potato, the size of a small football, put it in a barrel that spins very fast for about twenty seconds, take it out and magically most of the potato’s’ peel was gone, most but not all thank the Lord.

Take the potato and put it in a slicer that slices it all at once into thirty to forty perfect French fries. I once got one that was ten inches long, that was a good day. But the prized ones were the ones with some of the potato peel still on them.

Now they dump frozen ones from a brown paper bag into the fryer.

I’m at the window “I want three regular hamburgers, no pickles, a large bag of fried previously frozen potato portions and a coke” “pull to window please” the metal box said.

I paid for my meal in advance and she said “pull to the curb and we will be right out with you food” a quarter of a tank of gas later I was on my way.

It’s Tuesday evening and I am open minded, just not right now.

I am at KFC,I want a chicken dinner (original recipe). That’s what tricked them, I didn’t want spicy wings or a cup with all my food mixed together, I didn‘t want crispy chicken or chicken fingers.

I want chicken the way the Colonel intended with mashed potatoes/gravy and green beans. I also want two biscuits and a big ass glass of tea. “ That will be about twenty minutes.”

I’m going to have to cook my own food soon because I can’t afford the gas waiting at the curb.

The one that really gets me is any gas station that sells stuff I want in a hurry inside.

They have gasoline, on most occasions, and one of every thing that you could possibly need at One A.M. in the morning.

All they want is your money for stuff they got. Money.

I pull up to an Circle K and go in for six cold drinks in a can.

“That will be five ninety five.” the lady said.

All I had was a Hundred dollar bill. I tricked them again.

I had too much money for them to handle, the one thing they are in business for is to get my money for a six-pack.

“Do you have any thing smaller?” the cashier asked.

I said “Why no, if I did I would have paid you with it.”

“Well I don’t have change” The Circle K lady said.

“Ya’ll been open today?” I asked, as my six pack began to sweat.

She had the nerve to say “ No, were open twenty-four hours a day”

“So you don’t have change?” now I’m confused.

“Well the cash register shuts down until I drop the extra cash.”

“So you do have change” I’m thinking to my self you can’t be serious.

“I’ve got to request it from my drop box, it will take a few minuets.”

I told you, I tricked them again, now seriously thinking about opening one of my one of my future buddies and drink it right in front of her.

Five minutes later I walked out with my change and five and a half beers.

Tonight I want to go by and get a couple of Krispy Kream doughnuts, chocolate cream filled, now, if I trick them I give up.





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